The Answer: Enjoy every minute!
The question: What is crap advice parents receive?
Parents get a lot of unhelpful and unsolicited (but usually well-meaning) advice, but can we puh-lease stop with variations of this: "Enjoy every minute! It goes so fast!”
Oh really Gertrude, because some of us are on night 867 of little to no sleep and it’s not feeling super quick.
Also, while I have your attention - lose the “you’ll miss the days when your biggest problem was a kid who didn’t sleep.”
Is it true? Probably. Does it help in the moment? Nope. In fact, during a time that is already frustrating - parents don’t need the added guilt of someone telling us to enjoy every minute. Now, not only am I sad, tired and frustrated about the not enjoyable phase I’m experiencing - but I feel like a shit mom because I’m not shouting the joys of motherhood from the rooftop and pooping skittles and gum drops 24/7.
Some things aren’t enjoyable. Like my almost 3-year-old screaming like she’s being injured every nap and bedtime. And waking up between 4:30-5:30 most mornings, since we took away her binkies, screaming to go downstairs, usually waking up her twin sister in the process. And let’s not forget most meals when she screams and refuses to eat the food in front of her (that she originally requested) and instead insists she’s not hungry and begs for a “snack”. 😳
Am I saying she’s never enjoyable? Nope, the contrary actually. She is mostly enjoyable. But mealtime and bedtime are constant struggles. When you have to fight with your kid every meal to eat and when it takes an extraordinarily long time to get her to bed and then you still have to put another kid to bed and then clean up the house and prep for tomorrow...it's a lot. (I know a bunch of you are chomping at the bit to say "they'll eat when they are hungry" and "she won't starve" I KNOW. I tell myself this every day, several times a day. It's still frustrating. And remember the aforementioned sleep issues - I don’t need to hear “I’m hungry” as another excuse at bedtime or the butt crack of dawn.)
I’m tired of getting screamed at.
I’m worried every decision I make is causing/encouraging this tiny life-sucking monster.
At the end of the day I’m disappointed for losing my patience and yelling.
I am blaming myself for her outburts.
I am sad that there is so much frustration bottled up in such a little body and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.
I am questioning everything.
I am dreading doing it again tomorrow.
I am mentally exhausted.
IT IS NOT ENJOYABLE.
So, I really don’t need some mom decades removed from the toddler stage making me feel guilty for not enjoying every moment. I deal with enough self-inflicted mom guilt, thank you very much.
And let's be real, no one should be expected to enjoy every moment. I don’t enjoy every moment of my job, or my marriage (love you, Chris!) or any other relationship or major life event. It doesn’t make me a bad mom, wife, employee or friend, it makes me human. A very tired human.
So let’s stop mom-shaming those going through a hard time, and realize that our “helpful” comments aren’t always so helpful.
Might I recommend instead something like “wow that really sucks, I hope it passes quickly...and here is some wine.”
p.s. Winter White is my preferred wine, if you're wondering.
