Stop! Surgerytime.

It's time. After 6 years of pain, several rounds of physical therapy, 2 rhizotomies, 12+ pain procedures and countless OMT appointments. Not to mention the numerous "life events" I have missed out on because I was either in too much pain to take part or I was recovering from a pain procedure. Then there are the events I didn't fully enjoy because of the pain. Wasted time.

When I first started receiving the steroid injections* I could get 3 months or more of pain relief. Recently, the relief has lasted about a month...when I'm lucky. I have talked to my neurosurgeon a couple times, over the years, about surgery. He was willing to do it, when I was ready. But I wasn't, until recently. With the lack of pain relief, surgery started looking better and better. Then I got engaged, started planning a wedding and really focusing on the future. About a month before my wedding I woke up and couldn't move my neck. I hadn't done anything other than sleep wrong. I couldn't have another procedure, my last one had only been a month prior. I could get a massage but that wasn't going to be long term and it wasn't cheap. Then I started wondering what would happen when we (God willing) have a family. I wasn't going to be able to check out every 3 months for 2 + days to have a procedure, and what about all the days when I can't lift things because I know it will be too much for my neck...I'm sure my kids will be real understanding of that. So, I talked to my Pain Management doc about having another MRI and then set up an appointment with my neurosurgeon.

Full disclosure: I was hoping my MRI would come back with bells and whistles screaming MUST HAVE SURGERY. Then I could stop coming up with reasons why I'm not doing it (I can still use my arm/hand, I'm too young, it's too much time off work, it's a risky surgery). No such luck. Actually, the opposite....the MRI showed the herniation was marginally smaller than the last scans. WHAT? Then why am I in constant pain and why aren't the procedures working? Ultimate frustration.

I almost canceled my surgery consult. ALMOST. And then I made an important realization. I was feeling uncomfortable about "electing" to have a surgery that medical tests were not saying was mandatory. All my other surgeries (and you know there have been a few) were must-dos: you break your arm in a car accident, you have surgery to put it back together; you tear your ACL, you repair it; you have seizures, you remove the scar tissue, but this...not fixing this won't result in a deformed arm, a non-working leg or a lifetime of seizures....so really, is it necessary? But I started thinking about what it could result in, more medical bills and time off work for a short term solution; more wasted time missing out on life; more daily pain that can be triggered from anything from a work out to sleeping wrong. And then what happens when we have a family and it gets worse and I then need to have the surgery. Talk about missing out on life.

So, it's time. Surgery is scheduled for December 10. I'm scared. I will be in the hospital over night. I will be off work for at least a month. I will be bored. I will be sore. It will be worth it. I have so much life to live and I can't do it when I'm in constant pain. I emailed a co-worker who had the surgery and she responded, "Jodie, Jodie, Jodie...You who have had TWO brain surgeries are worried about a little disc repair?" Does seem a little silly, I suppose. But yes, yes I am. But I am more worried about how my life might be impacted if I don't get it done now. And big picture, I think I will regret it down the road,  if I don't do it now. So, it's time.

*The same steroid injections that are responsible for a fungal meningitis outbreak that has claimed at least 19 lives. Thankfully my pain clinic does not get their drugs from the Massachusetts company responsible. Still...another point for surgery.