So here I am - 2 1/2 years post-pregnancy and REstarting my "walking away from obesity" journey.
I started a work out regement in December of 2015 which continued until Feburary of 2016 - when Francesca started daycare. Daycare meant I would need to pick her up by 6 p.m. on Monday/Tuesday/Friday. Gone was the luxury of asking the babysitter to stay later so I could exercise. Which was followed by a less active summer than usual.
As time went by, the pounds continued to add up and my eating habits worsened. I am certain I am addicted to sugar. I was hitting the vending machine at least every other day for something of a sugary/unhealthy variety. The reality of just how much weight I had gained set in a couple months ago when I took a Power Talk training. The facilitator recorded us with our phones so we could see how we look when we present. As if that isn't painful enough to watch - when I played back the video I said, "Wait, do I actually look like that??" It was so bizarrre and I knew I had gained weight but the fullness/puffiness of my face was heartbreaking. And it was something I never wanted to see again. But that was in October and I still didn't take action. (Screenshot of picture included for your reference and my reminder.)Finally, two weeks ago I was sitting at my usual Friday work location (Biggby) eating and drinking who knows how many calories...and started researching how much Weight Watchers cost. I've done it several times in the past but usually just online and I knew I needed more. I need to be accountable. I needed meetings. I looked at the schedule and saw there was a 12-12:30 meeting not far from me every Friday. It was time. I signed up and went to my first meeting that afternoon. The leader quoted another leader and it has stuck with me over the last week and a half. "Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight loss is hard. Being overweight is hard. Pick your hard." So...I pick losing weight as my hard.
Last Friday (1/13) I had my first weigh-in. I felt confident about my week but I hadn't worked out so I was nervous. I lost 5.4 pounds. Maybe Friday the 13th isn't so unlucky after all. Except it wasn't luck - it was hard work and determination. It was saying no to things I wanted and that I was used to eating (sugar), it was eating smaller portions and it was making better choices (regular coffee at Biggby, no more fancy lattes).
I do plan to join the fitness center at the local High School so I can use the track, fitness equipment and pool. It will still be challenging to find time to do it but I know it has to be a priority. Even a couple days a week is better than what I'm doing now (which is NOTHING). So I guess I'm not "walking away from obesity" quite yet...but I will be soon.
As a reminder of how this journey first started, I'm including my blog posts from 2013. These are important reminders for me because I still remember how I felt at that time - the sadness after my doctor's comments (oh - I have a new doctor now. Yay!), the frustration of not making progress and the accomplishment of losing my ass shelf and when I reached my first goal. They are all important reminders of why I'm doing this and that it's not always going to be successes. But that is what I need to focus on and just keep REstarting - as many times as it takes.
Looking Back...
I'm Fat...some might say "obese"
Actually "quite obese" and someone did say that...my doctor. Ouch. The initial anger from the situation is wearing off. And really, should I have ever been mad?! I mean...she's right. I think my anger was more because the topic came up after she saw a note in my chart that we were thinking of starting a family. I felt like she was judging me for even thinking of having a baby at my "quite obese" weight. The conversation went like this:
Her: I see you're going to start trying for a family (pause) (accusatory look at me) and you're gaining weight.
Me: I know it is not ideal, I'm going to start weight watchers (for the 9 millionth time) and now that I feel like I'm 100% recovered from my neck surgery I'm planning to get a membership to the fitness room/pool at Williamston High School.
Her: Well Jodie, when women who are obese - especially quite obese, like you are - get pregnant, it can cause a whole host of problems, there is the chance of preeclasmpsia, gestational diabetes, (I think there was more but I had stopped listening).
Wow. Okay. Tell me how you really feel. What I wanted to say was, "So, should I wait 3-5 years, lose 50 pounds and hope my eggs don't dry up in the mean time?" But, instead I choked back my tears and left, feeling belittled and ashamed. And that's where the anger comes in. I get that as my doctor, she wants me to be healthy and she has every right to be concerned. I mean, in the 6+ years I have been seeing her I have gained 40ish pounds. (Wow, talk about embarrassing...that is hard to admit.) But, I also think there is a way to say it without being belittling and demeaning. The other thing that made me upset was I have already been to my obgyn, (who in this case I would consider the expert) and she did not voice any concern about my weight. Her concern was my low Vitamin D, which I am on an extremely high dose to hopefully correct.
Anyone who has known me for a period of time, knows my weight has fluctuated over the years. I spent most of my adult life being "overweight". My Sophomore year of college (2000-2001) was probably my heaviest (quite possibly, until now) due to the Epilepsy medication I was on. That was quickly reversed my Junior year of college when they replaced the "fat" medication with the "skinny" medication and I dropped to a size 6....quite easily my thinnest since oh, 5th grade (I'm not kidding here peeps.) When I went off the "skinny" medication my Super Senior year of college some of the weight came back, but it wasn't extreme.
Following graduation I had my first brain surgery (2004) and was laid up for a couple months, which caused me to gain some weight (enough that the dress I had been fitted for before my surgery had to be let out and I went on the worst crash diet of my life to fit into it...I don't think I have consumed a carrot since.) Anyhoo...I lost some of that weight thanks to Weight Watchers and a Boot Camp class and was mostly happy with myself and my weight when I moved to Lansing in 2006. I continued to exercise and eat fairly well (as well as you can when you live in the basement of a lady named Bunny and cook at a makeshift "kitchen" consisting of a double burner, pan for washing dishes and mini fridge.)
Following graduation I had my first brain surgery (2004) and was laid up for a couple months, which caused me to gain some weight (enough that the dress I had been fitted for before my surgery had to be let out and I went on the worst crash diet of my life to fit into it...I don't think I have consumed a carrot since.) Anyhoo...I lost some of that weight thanks to Weight Watchers and a Boot Camp class and was mostly happy with myself and my weight when I moved to Lansing in 2006. I continued to exercise and eat fairly well (as well as you can when you live in the basement of a lady named Bunny and cook at a makeshift "kitchen" consisting of a double burner, pan for washing dishes and mini fridge.)
I would say I gradually began gaining weight in 2008. I had my second brain surgery in July of 2008, followed by continued debilitating neck/shoulder/arm pain (not associated with the brain surgery.) This was followed closely by the diagnosis of Undifferentiated Connective Tissue disease (UCTD), an autoimmune disease which causes severe pain in your joints (my ankles/feet and wrists are the most affected), as well as bouts of severe exhaustion. Well, none of that was good for an active lifestyle...and so I gained weight. A lot of weight.
My husband and I started dating (for the second and final time) in August of 2010 and I was at least 30 lbs lighter then. I would lament to my friends and family about my weight gain and everyone would say, "it's okay...you're happy." FOR EFF SAKE what a crock of shit. Why is that okay? Just because I'm happy does not mean I should let myself go and turn into the "quite obese" person I am today! "You're just comfortable" Uh, great...hope I'm super comfortable when I have a gd heart attack before I'm 40. Rant ended. (Well, sort of). So, here I am...32 years old, happily married and madly in love with my husband of 6 months who could care less about what I weigh, extremely excited about starting a family soon and...quite obese.
My husband and I started dating (for the second and final time) in August of 2010 and I was at least 30 lbs lighter then. I would lament to my friends and family about my weight gain and everyone would say, "it's okay...you're happy." FOR EFF SAKE what a crock of shit. Why is that okay? Just because I'm happy does not mean I should let myself go and turn into the "quite obese" person I am today! "You're just comfortable" Uh, great...hope I'm super comfortable when I have a gd heart attack before I'm 40. Rant ended. (Well, sort of). So, here I am...32 years old, happily married and madly in love with my husband of 6 months who could care less about what I weigh, extremely excited about starting a family soon and...quite obese.
Why am I writing all this, you ask? Well...I've been lacking motivation for a very long time, and it showed up today. I have no idea why or from where, but I'm ready. And this is my way of being accountable. To myself. To the people who read this. This is the first time I've really put down in words how I got where I am today. I feel sad. I feel embarrassed. But most of all, I feel motivated. And that is what is important. I still have not bought that membership to the high school that I have been talking about since we bought our house in November. First it was the neck surgery in December, and then it was the deer I hit on my way home from work 10 days ago, causing severe pain and possible ligament damage in my right ankle. But, there are no more excuses. My co-worker and I made plans to work out after work on Monday. It's GO TIME. As I was sitting at home today I had an urge to work out. I can't remember the last time I had felt that urge, and on a 30 degree day following a couple inch snowfall, no less. It was a welcomed feeling. So, I took a 20+ minute walk around our neighborhood and ended with some arm weights and crunches. It doesn't deserve an award, it probably doesn't even deserve mentioning...but it felt so good. My ankle, although still a little sore from the accident, and my joints, sore everyday thanks to my autoimmune disease, did great. And I'm ready to make some lifestyle changes.
On my short list: figure out my schedule for this coming week and then plan my workouts and meals, accordingly. I have a long road ahead of me. To be where I felt good about myself we're talking losing 40 lbs, to be where the charts, BMI and everything else says I'm "healthy" we're talking more than that. But I can do it. I have all the tools I need to succeed, and it starts today.
I know myself - when I'm working out, I eat better - because I don't want to ruin all the hard work and time I've dedicated to working out. And when I'm working out and eating better - I not only lose weight, but I feel great (i'm pretty sure that's a slogan for something...). And it is not lost on me that if I would lose weight there is a chance that my daily joint pain would be less, but it is a vicious circle. I'm in too much pain to work out, but if I could work out and lose weight I would be in less pain. It's frustrating and sometimes gets the best of me. That needs to change, today.
I know there will be days I will be unmotivated, I will fail, but I will do twice as good the next day. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be healthy. For my own sake, as well as the sake of my husband and our future family.
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| Sophomore year fat medication - 2001 |
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| Junior Year - Skinny Medication - 2002 |
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| Senior year skinny medication - 2003 |
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| The dress that had to be let out - 2005 |
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| The last time I remember being happy with my weight/how I looked - 2009 |
Quite Obese? Not For Long! Week One
My week summed up in one word: Success
Monday - Exercised at work. Walked 1 mile, crunches, leg lifts, arm weights
Tuesday - Bought my long talked about membership at the high school. Incredible work out facilities. Walked 1 mile, crunches, arm weights, leg lifts, swam a few laps
Tuesday - Bought my long talked about membership at the high school. Incredible work out facilities. Walked 1 mile, crunches, arm weights, leg lifts, swam a few laps
Wednesday - Walked 1 mile, crunches, arm weights, leg lifts
Thursday - None
Friday - Walked 1 mile, swam a few laps & self water exercise
Saturday - None
Sunday - Walked 30 minutes, crunches, arm weights, leg lifts
I began tracking my Weight Watchers points on Monday and did very well all week. A couple days I exceeded my allotted "daily points" but did not exceed my weekly allotment and didn't have to exchange any of "exercise" points to make up for what I was eating. I felt very good about my choices and felt confident when I stepped on the scale Friday morning. About that...
I lost less than 1 pound. I was pretty disappointed but I reminded myself it is not about instant gratification, it is about living a healthy lifestyle and I did that. When I told my husband about my disappointing loss he said "but which way is it going?" Down. It was a good reminder.
My ankle, which has been acting up since my car accident a few weeks ago, is fairly sore tonight. Thankfully it didn't interfere with my workouts this week. In other good news, I am able to do arm exercises I was not able to do before my neck surgery because they would inevitably cause a back spasm. It's so great to feel like I don't have as many limitations when I work out, now. I say "as many" because my joint pain varies, depending on the day...but even on my worst day I feel like I could at least walk a mile or get on an exercise bike, and that is encouraging.
This week will be a bit more of a challenge because I have a busy week which will keep me from working out a few days. But, I also know if I make good food choices and work out when I can, I should have another great week and maybe even lose 1 WHOLE POUND next week. :)
I'm so blessed to have the support of my friends and family through this journey. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support I received after posting my blog last week. Thank you to those who checked in on me throughout the week...that is the accountability I was looking for when I posted the blog.
I will leave you with two quotes. One that inspires me and one that is just damn funny.
"Never trade what you want the most for what you want at the moment" - unknown
"Aunt Jodie, if you're alive when I get married, I want you to help me get a photo booth" - Audrey Sophia, Age 6
Walking Away From Obesity
Get it?! I'm "walking" away...like I'm walking a lot, to lose weight...crickets...deserved. But really, months into making my first "I'M SO MOTIVATED LET ME TELL THE WORLD" rah rah post...I have no earth shattering weight loss to share (or even a non-earth shattering weight loss). But...I'm hoping I had a bit of a breakthrough last week. After months of frustrating, constant, debilitating pain (thanks to my connective tissue disease) I went to my rheumatologist a couple months ago - she offered to give me a shot and a prescription for prednisone. I declined and said I would try ibuprofen instead. Well, I didn't but within a month of my appointment I finally received pain relief. And the minute I felt relief, I started walking again, which inspired better eating habits (as it usually does for me) and I got serious about Weight Watchers.
Last week I had a follow-up with my rheumy. I thought about canceling due to my recent relief, but didn't. Despite the pain relief (not to be confused with "pain free" but definitely tolerable) she checked my joints and found them very full of fluid (per usual). Again she offered a steroid shot and a prednisone rx. And that's when I realized those are my options, from a medical perspective. Steroids - via needle or pill - to reduce my inflammation and pain but wreak havoc on my body with all kinds of awful side effects. I can't do it. I won't. Not now, not when I have yet to exhaust all other options, options that I am responsible for. You got it, weight loss. So I have a choice. Weight loss or drugs. I'm choosing weight loss. Of course, it is easy for me to say today - when my pain is manageable and exercise is doable, even welcomed. I'm walking miles at a time and then doing free weights and other toning exercises. I need to remember when the day comes that the pain overtakes my ability to exercise like I have been, I have to remember that there are other options. I can ride my exercise bike, I can hit the pool across the street and above all - I can make healthy food choices. Nothing but lack of self control and laziness will get in the way of that.
So, I have exercised 7 out of the last 9 days. I started tracking my workouts 5 days ago and in those 5 days I covered 9.6 miles in 2 hours and 43 minutes and burned 1,658 calories. And in other good news, I lost my ass shelf. TMI? Oh well...it's exciting stuff. It was a problem, like "here, set your diet coke down" problem. No more! I have a couple more areas of concern (like the fupa and the thigh friction capable of starting a fire), but to see such an obvious change after a week was pretty encouraging. Deal with your own Diet Coke, suckers! No ass shelf here.
I'm pretty proud of my progress and I plan to keep it going. It's either this or the drugs. I don't want the drugs. My body doesn't want the drugs. So, I will keep on walking, even if just a 10 minute walk a day...it will add up, it will make a difference and it will help me walk away from obesity.
Because Being Obese Is Not Okay...
Alright. I'm slacking. It's been 8 weeks since my first post. I meant to update weekly. WHOOPS.
I'd be lying if I said I have great news to share. It's been challenging, to say the least. After not losing a pound the first three weeks I started to get incredibly frustrated. On the fourth week I finally saw a loss, I was down 2.6 lbs. Thank God!
It was later that week that I was on the weight watchers site tracking my food and looking around when I clicked on my settings. FOR EFF SAKE...under the settings you can select whether your goal is to maintain or lose - which then impacts the number of points you are allowed. Mine was set to "maintain". YEAH - MAINTAIN, just what every "quite obese" person wants to do. EFFFFFFFF. No wonder I wasn't having a problem staying in my points and I was having a problem losing weight. Sooooo, switched that, kissed my 5 extra points goodbye and got busy with life.
I was gone for work for a couple days the next week so I didn't work out and didn't count points...and it was down hill after that. I honestly haven't even been on the scale in two weeks so I'm not sure where I am with my weight loss. My weight watchers page says I'm down 3.1 lbs but that was as of two weeks ago. I will be getting on the scale on Friday.
I'm back on track this week, tracking my food and working out. Unfortunately I seem to be experiencing a "flare" of my Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. My ankles are throbbing and swollen 24/7, bringing me close to tears. I didn't even have pain like this during the winter, when it is usually the worst. I'm not really sure why it is happening now but I'm not letting it stop me. I find if I can push through the first 15-20 minutes of pain it gets a little better...until later. I walked for 25 minutes last night (and the best part?! Chris joined me for the first 15) and I took a brisk 45+ minute walk around MSU's campus today (thanks for the great work out, Jen!) Today was worse than yesterday, so I told Jen I couldn't go as fast as usual...but I powered through and am pretty proud of that 45+ minutes. I will be heading to bed momentarily with several ice packs, but it was worth it. And the pain may have slowed me down (literally) but it didn't stop me, which is what counts.
So, I'm a little embarrassed by this post. I wish I was telling you I am down 15 lbs (or even 5) but I can't. What I can say is I haven't given up hope. I still know I can do it, and I know I will, it is just going to take a little longer than I hoped. Story of my life...
Walking Away From Obesity: First Milestone!
Just over two months ago I started on my "Walking Away from Obesity" journey. When I weighed in on Friday I finally hit my first milestone - I lost 10 pounds! When I started this journey I set a few milestones and rewards. Ten pounds was new exercise clothes. So, this weekend...I went shopping!
Walking Away From Obesity
Get it?! I'm "walking" away...like I'm walking a lot, to lose weight...crickets...deserved. But really, months into making my first "I'M SO MOTIVATED LET ME TELL THE WORLD" rah rah post...I have no earth shattering weight loss to share (or even a non-earth shattering weight loss). But...I'm hoping I had a bit of a breakthrough last week. After months of frustrating, constant, debilitating pain (thanks to my connective tissue disease) I went to my rheumatologist a couple months ago - she offered to give me a shot and a prescription for prednisone. I declined and said I would try ibuprofen instead. Well, I didn't but within a month of my appointment I finally received pain relief. And the minute I felt relief, I started walking again, which inspired better eating habits (as it usually does for me) and I got serious about Weight Watchers.
Last week I had a follow-up with my rheumy. I thought about canceling due to my recent relief, but didn't. Despite the pain relief (not to be confused with "pain free" but definitely tolerable) she checked my joints and found them very full of fluid (per usual). Again she offered a steroid shot and a prednisone rx. And that's when I realized those are my options, from a medical perspective. Steroids - via needle or pill - to reduce my inflammation and pain but wreak havoc on my body with all kinds of awful side effects. I can't do it. I won't. Not now, not when I have yet to exhaust all other options, options that I am responsible for. You got it, weight loss. So I have a choice. Weight loss or drugs. I'm choosing weight loss. Of course, it is easy for me to say today - when my pain is manageable and exercise is doable, even welcomed. I'm walking miles at a time and then doing free weights and other toning exercises. I need to remember when the day comes that the pain overtakes my ability to exercise like I have been, I have to remember that there are other options. I can ride my exercise bike, I can hit the pool across the street and above all - I can make healthy food choices. Nothing but lack of self control and laziness will get in the way of that.
So, I have exercised 7 out of the last 9 days. I started tracking my workouts 5 days ago and in those 5 days I covered 9.6 miles in 2 hours and 43 minutes and burned 1,658 calories. And in other good news, I lost my ass shelf. TMI? Oh well...it's exciting stuff. It was a problem, like "here, set your diet coke down" problem. No more! I have a couple more areas of concern (like the fupa and the thigh friction capable of starting a fire), but to see such an obvious change after a week was pretty encouraging. Deal with your own Diet Coke, suckers! No ass shelf here.
I'm pretty proud of my progress and I plan to keep it going. It's either this or the drugs. I don't want the drugs. My body doesn't want the drugs. So, I will keep on walking, even if just a 10 minute walk a day...it will add up, it will make a difference and it will help me walk away from obesity.
Alright. I'm slacking. It's been 8 weeks since my first post. I meant to update weekly. WHOOPS.
I'd be lying if I said I have great news to share. It's been challenging, to say the least. After not losing a pound the first three weeks I started to get incredibly frustrated. On the fourth week I finally saw a loss, I was down 2.6 lbs. Thank God!
It was later that week that I was on the weight watchers site tracking my food and looking around when I clicked on my settings. FOR EFF SAKE...under the settings you can select whether your goal is to maintain or lose - which then impacts the number of points you are allowed. Mine was set to "maintain". YEAH - MAINTAIN, just what every "quite obese" person wants to do. EFFFFFFFF. No wonder I wasn't having a problem staying in my points and I was having a problem losing weight. Sooooo, switched that, kissed my 5 extra points goodbye and got busy with life.
I was gone for work for a couple days the next week so I didn't work out and didn't count points...and it was down hill after that. I honestly haven't even been on the scale in two weeks so I'm not sure where I am with my weight loss. My weight watchers page says I'm down 3.1 lbs but that was as of two weeks ago. I will be getting on the scale on Friday.
I'm back on track this week, tracking my food and working out. Unfortunately I seem to be experiencing a "flare" of my Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. My ankles are throbbing and swollen 24/7, bringing me close to tears. I didn't even have pain like this during the winter, when it is usually the worst. I'm not really sure why it is happening now but I'm not letting it stop me. I find if I can push through the first 15-20 minutes of pain it gets a little better...until later. I walked for 25 minutes last night (and the best part?! Chris joined me for the first 15) and I took a brisk 45+ minute walk around MSU's campus today (thanks for the great work out, Jen!) Today was worse than yesterday, so I told Jen I couldn't go as fast as usual...but I powered through and am pretty proud of that 45+ minutes. I will be heading to bed momentarily with several ice packs, but it was worth it. And the pain may have slowed me down (literally) but it didn't stop me, which is what counts.
So, I'm a little embarrassed by this post. I wish I was telling you I am down 15 lbs (or even 5) but I can't. What I can say is I haven't given up hope. I still know I can do it, and I know I will, it is just going to take a little longer than I hoped. Story of my life...
Walking Away From Obesity: First Milestone!
Just over two months ago I started on my "Walking Away from Obesity" journey. When I weighed in on Friday I finally hit my first milestone - I lost 10 pounds! When I started this journey I set a few milestones and rewards. Ten pounds was new exercise clothes. So, this weekend...I went shopping!
As proud as I am about my weight loss I am having a hard time not being a little disappointed and thinking "it should be more." I had a few weeks during the last two months that I didn't exercise at all and didn't track one meal. I can't help but think of how much more I could have lost, had I not been a slacker those weeks. But instead of focusing on what I "could have" done, I will focus on what I did. In the last two months I have:
- Walked 53.9 miles
- Walked 16 hours and 12 minutes
- Burned 9,314 calories
- Completed 29 workouts
- Lost 10.4 pounds
And while there is a lot of weight to be lost and a lot more miles to be walked, that's a lot to be proud of.
Next milestone: 20 lbs
Deadline: Christmas
Reward: New Jeans
And now for your viewing pleasure, in all the awkwardness that accompanies dressing room selfies...my new exercise gear. (no clue why they are sideways.)
Next milestone: 20 lbs
Deadline: Christmas
Reward: New Jeans
And now for your viewing pleasure, in all the awkwardness that accompanies dressing room selfies...my new exercise gear. (no clue why they are sideways.)
